Things were feeling sucky.

I took a plane trip to my home state of Iowa, which gave me time to reflect, time to feel, time to just be. When I’m at my own home in Colorado I’m either in productivity mode, all in my head, or in relaxing cocoon mode. While I was gone, I felt very tired and lost not having that much to actively “do” or work on… which isn’t necessarily a bad thing! Not to mention, Mercury was in Retrograde, causing me to have a lot of miscommunications, technology issues, and life just feeling weird.

As for travelling, I almost always have taken road trips to wherever I want to go. Public transportation is somewhat foreign to me. I prefer driving myself anywhere because it’s comfortable and I know I can control everything. I can stop and get snacks, coffee, and use the bathroom whenever I want. I can change my route and go to a completely different place than planned whenever the hell I want. I think that with flying and other forms of public transportation it’s the loss of control that makes me anxious. Relying on the pilot or driver or anything else that may get in the way from me getting a cup of goddamn coffee (the one airport did not have coffee that day in the entire airport! I think this should be illegal…)  Getting away during this trip, unbeknownst to me at the time, gave me a fresh breath of reexamining things and a new appreciation for my life and what I can control.

Being out of my normal routine and space, I had time to reflect on my honest, usually hidden feelings of failure career-wise, and some deep seated fears of not knowing my purpose. I then started having the, not-so-helpful victim mentality. I felt that everything sucked, which caused me to have negative thoughts, and even began feeling sorry for myself. Luckily, 3 years of ACT Therapy has helped me to step outside of myself and identify these thoughts. Once I was able to identify them, I could accept them lovingly, and then start deciding how I’d rather be thinking.  I decided to use a mantra of the day. Then I listened to empowering podcasts. I remembered that my thoughts are what create the bad that I was so focused on and my thoughts also create the good. 

I redefined my values which is also an ACT modality, I made a plan to do a psychological workbook everyday, then I began to focus on my breath again. Decided and remembered to trust my path and the universe. My belief that there is something better out there for me and for the world is the truth and that can be my guiding light. I have faith, trust, and command that I am on the right path and that amazing things are coming to me now.

Sometimes we need to take the pieces of our life puzzle apart (which feels uncomfortable) and reexamine them to mindfully put them together in a new way that creates a beautiful, more aligned picture of our lives.