Okay, back to talking about this therapist and the things she says that annoy me. Mostly a vent session, but hopefully it can help others along the way!

This therapist, we’ll call her “Mary”, has been trained in IFS (which I absolutely love), Gestalt therapy with a Masters degree in mental health counseling. I know for sure the Gestalt therapy is really bad for me (perhaps they’re using it not exactly as they should, I don’t want to judge Gestalt therapy as a whole). I think she’s influenced by her colleague who seems emotionally immature, lacks social-emotional attunement, and driven by ego.

Now onto the Bitchin’ 😂

When I’m in a therapy session with “Mary”, I don’t usually notice that she seems pushy or rude in the moment. But right after our sessions when I get a moment to reflect, I feel bothered. She has already proven to me that openly discussing such things is not emotionally safe for me, as one time when I tried this, it went very badly… So, I haven’t said anything to her about this yet.

Keep in mind, for most  of my life I let everyone bulldozer over me. I never noticed when I was being more subltly mistreated or that someone was being rude unless it was blatantly over the top. So, I am learning. I am learning to notice more subtle ways in which I believe people are being rude, crossing boundaries, trying to coerce or manipulate etc…

Is That How You See Me?

We had a session today and I brought up a little issue with my landlord. She had me think about the roles being reversed, if I was the landlord and renting out spaces to people what would I do at the beginning to express preferences and expectations. I told her that I would probably write it in the lease or some kind of document and then ask them what their preferences are and make sure it’s all out in the open.

She said, “now think about what you would typically do, like what you usually do now, instead of what you’d ideally want to do.”

I didn’t think much of that at the time and basically gave her the same answer. After the session I thought, ‘so….is she telling me she doesn’t think I would do that and thinks I’d do something different aka not ideal in that made up situation?’ It seems pretty negative to me. 

I do realize there’s lots of different sides to things and perhaps she didn’t mean it like that at all. But there’s been other things said like that that makes it seem like she does not think highly of me.

Compliments…?

Also I noticed she’s never complimented me. Most therapists do some sort of supportive positive encouragement (which is very helpful for me), honestly I tend to feel more down after our sessions. I know that that’s not entirely a bad thing and that therapy is digging out all the crap and oftentimes it’s not comfortable. Obviously I know that I’ve been in therapy for YEARS. 

I feel like she focuses on and points out the things she thinks is wrong with me. I have never felt understood by her. Even today she misunderstood what I meant with something that’s probably too small to explain here right now…

I know therapists do notice “flaws” in our thinking and behavior and it’s their job to steer us in a better direction, but it just doesn’t feel good with her. It seems like she thinks the worst of me. 

Another Example

At the last place I lived I was very close with my neighbors and they let me use their garden hose (because my place didn’t have one). They were so nice and offered it themselves without me asking for it. I offered to pay them and they legitimately wouldn’t let me. She asked me if I was friends with them prior to using their water and said it seemed like all my issues were related to resources and money. (they usually aren’t related to that and it really wasn’t about  that anyways) 

Later I thought, did she think I was only friends with them so that I could use their water? That might seem like a far leap in thinking but there was a lot more discussed about this topic. I honestly have never felt these things towards a therapist before at all. Even with her colleague who legit triggered traumas in me, seemed rude and disrespectful, I didn’t feel like she was looking for the worst in me.

Both of these therapists are trained in Gestalt therapy which I quickly learned did not work for me! I have such a crazy aversion to more aggresive therapeutic approaches, oh my gosh it was very damaging during an especially difficult time, too.  While the one I talk to weekly was trained in Gestalt therapy she also is trained in IFS therapy and I like that a lot. It’s very helpful. But really, after some bad interactions I do not trust her with my vulnerable emotions. So I’ve been wanting to quit for a while but I think I defaulted into fawning mode. Maybe I’m too afraid to rock the boat as a way to protect myself from potential backlash I’d receive. I’ve been going along with her therapy ever since. BUT I do get some out of our sessions, it has been helpful in some ways, but I don’t feel good about talking with her. After she was really crappy to me that one time, I do not feel I can be very open to her. I am guarded and purposely avoid talking about certain things and I sometimes steer the conversation to be kind of surface level just to get it over with. 

So, I realize how unhelpful and maybe toxic it is that I am doing this, it’s probably some form of manipulation on my part, but hey it’s how I’m responding to my trauma being triggered and I know I have things to work on so don’t judge me, okay! Lol

Pushing For More Sessions

I started writing this post a month ago and since then I have told her that I am going to quit yet she has pushed for more sessions…She says it’s a way to be intentional and closure and things like that. I totally get it but I don’t know if she realizes that I’m older than I seem, I have a ton of “life experience” and she does not know what is best for me. I do. Also I didn’t tell her that I have been planning this since March…it is now June. 

I do have a new therapist whom I’ve had a couple sessions with and she is so perfect for what I was looking for! I feel like we clicked and I’m so happy that I seeked out a better fit.