We’re Processing Our Feelings Today, Folks

I feel like utter dog shit.

My week has been really busy which is fine. That was tough but I got through it. I have debated quitting this new job from the very beginning. I am making a lot more money but it turns out, the client is extremely rude and belittling. I have decided to quit. I have also been worried about health insurance. I was stressing about getting new health insurance due to my increase in income but the whole time I knew the job wouldn’t last so it didn’t make sense to make that change.

Now that I for sure am quitting I figured I’d be fine to continue on with my insurance but… I am not sure if that’s happening. Insurance stuff is confusing and stressful and that coupled with the decision, telling the company I’m quitting today, on top of a crazy non-stop busy week is too much.

I still am having some doubts about if any of this is the right thing to do. There are some really great aspects of the job, but some really not great aspects. For a while I was able to not let it affect my happiness but as of a couple weeks ago the dam broke and spilled out into my days off as well. 

Quitting something makes me feel like I’ve failed. I enjoy a challenge and it was good for me to be working so much. Yes it was a lot and definitely hard but good for me in many ways. I keep reminding myself that there are plenty of jobs in the world. This one was CLEARLY not the right one. 

People Do Things on Fridays?

It is Friday and I always chill at home on Fridays. I don’t know how people have the motivation to go out and do something on Friday nights, I sure as hell wish I did. I almost got myself to go to a Kava bar and do some writing while Luna charms everyone around her, but the places I want to go are too far. Some parts of Denver are 40 minutes away. I easily talked myself out of it because I’d be driving a ton to get one drink (Kava) in a place that might not even be cool. I haven’t been to any Kava bars in Denver yet. It dawned on me the other day that I want to move to Denver. I live close to there but not close enough to easily get myself to go there. I could really use some city life again, more people, more job opportunities, etc.

My Therapist

Of course I’ve been talking about this job to my therapist, we had a really good session this week and she kept reminding me that I am doing the right thing (ie: quitting). She said prioritizing my values is the most important thing. 

I’ve been sitting here feeling completely torn up about all of this. Health insurance, deciding to quit, letting people down, am I doing my life completely wrong… because it feels like I am. It’s almost as if everything is slippery all the time and I am trying and trying and no matter what I do or where I go I can’t make progress and end up right at the bottom again. 

I’ve been trying to figure out a different course for a career for a long time now and I can’t figure it out. I have a lot of ideas but still don’t have a clear path. 

Thinking about what my therapist would say in this moment, she would probably ask what am I feeling in my body and where. Writing this is helping me to process a lot but there is plenty more going on. In my body I am feeling like my stomach is tied up in knots. I feel a whooshing in my head. Almost like I am in a boat that is rocking. When I tune in even more I just feel tired. A very deep fatigue. A fatigue of the soul or something.

Here are some pointers I found that I’m going to use and maybe you will too!

Making Difficult Decisions When it Feels Impossible

Whether you’re deciding on a job, a relationship, or something small that somehow feels huge — here’s how I’ve learned to approach difficult decisions when anxiety is loud and clarity feels impossible.

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✨ Step 1: Come Back to Your Body

Before logic, lists, or outside opinions — come back to yourself.

Breathe. Eat something simple. Go for a short walk. Do anything that helps your nervous system feel safer.

Because when your body is in survival mode, your brain literally can’t make rational decisions. It’s not your fault — it’s just neuroscience.

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💛 Step 2: Ask: “What would I choose if I trusted myself?”

This one gets me every time.

Not what would my mom want, or what makes the most sense on paper, or what gets me the least judgment. Just:

What would I choose if I trusted myself completely?

You might be surprised at what comes up when you ask from a place of self-trust instead of fear.

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✏️ Step 3: Let Go of “Perfect”

Hard truth: No decision is perfect. Every path has trade-offs, unknowns, and lessons.

But some paths are yours — they feel aligned, even if they’re a little scary. That’s the difference.

It’s okay to choose the path that feels right in your gut, even if someone else wouldn’t get it. That’s what growth looks like.

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🌿 Final Thought

You are allowed to move forward without knowing exactly how everything will play out. You are allowed to choose you.

Even a small decision — like making yourself a smoothie, turning off your phone, or saying no to a plan — can be an act of trust.

And every time you practice trusting yourself, the next decision gets just a little bit easier.