I’ve been trying to wrap my head around what I want to post and how. It has always been my style to just “puke” out whatever resonates with me at that moment with some light editing… So here we go 🙂

What Happened Leading Up To This

Last year in October 2021, I had 2 therapists quit on me (one was a student therapist the other was a trauma therapist starting to do EMDR with me).  The student therapist totally ghosted me, and I wasn’t too hurt or surprised really, but I did like her a lot. The trauma therapist gave me a month’s notice so, at least I knew it was coming. I worked with her every other week for 6 months and we only got to one EMDR session. I honestly loved her program though, she was very thorough, structured, and I felt incredibly understood. 

Figuring Out The New Therapist

After those 2 were gone, I decided to find another therapist as I wanted to continue with EMDR. I found this one place that looked great, we chatted on the phone and she invited me to a women’s therapy group. I said, “heck yes!” It was smack dab in the middle of the pandemic and I was wanting some connection. I eventually realized that this therapist was not good for me. We did a handful of one on one sessions and in every session she said things that I thought were rude, immature, and things a therapist should never say (I’ve read countless articles on things a therapist should never do, here’s an example).

During almost all of our one-on-one sessions (through video chat) she would get up and walk into the other room without saying anything about it. I’d be like “um….are you still there?” She’d say, “yeah I can still hear you, keep talking.” 🤦🏼‍♀️

Now, she wasn’t blatantly insulting but she talked down to me and everyone else in the group sessions. It was what she said and how she said it that really bugged me. She acted like her way was the only way and would interrupt us aggressively to point out things she perceived as flaws. It bugged me so much I occasionally stepped in to defend people she was seemingly shaming.

A Small Example

We were talking about alcohol and I said I had been sober for almost 3 years, but that I had never planned to quit completely because that is black and white thinking and that when I tell myself I will never do something again it makes me crazy about it and sets me up for failure. I said I’ll probably have a drink at some point in the future. She aggresively repeats “why though”, “but why? It is the same chemical compound as gasoline, why would you put that in your body, like…why though?!” Okay…. so many things wrong with this approach lol. I’ve read about many types of therapy, including hers (Gestalt Therapy) and you’re not supposed to start questions with “why” especially in the shaming way that she did. Honestly it was like an angry toddler repeating ‘why though?’ She did the exact same thing in the group sessions. Barf.

Needless to say, I quit the group. It was after one very hurtful group session where she was like a bull in a china shop and the china shop was my feelings lol

I had previously switched my one-on-one sessions to be with her colleague, we’ll call her, Mary. This was their suggestion as the other one wanted to focus more on “admin stuff”.  I felt a lot more comfortable with Mary and decided to be very open with her about what happened in that group session and how much it hurt me. At that session she was understanding and supportive of me.

Something Had Changed Since Our Last Session

In our next session it was obvious she had talked to the other one and was influenced by her pushy, controlling nature because Mary is usually kinder and softer. She guilt-tripped me for quitting the group, highly encouraged me multiple times to have a talk with the other therapist when I wasn’t ready. She said that the other women in the group were shocked that I left and that they had trusted me. I couldn’t believe the backlash I was getting for doing something that was best for me and in direct response to my traumas being triggered. She also tried explaining a theory that we learned in the group about relationships and I said, “but…if that person is hurting me I have the right to protect myself!” She didn’t quite know how to respond to that, besides looking disappointed that she wasn’t getting her desired outcome.

I hadn’t realized I joined a cult and that I would be shamed for leaving… even if it was the way that I left that they had a problem with, that’s my choice and I do not deserve to be shamed for it.

Plus, you know what they say…

You can lead a LeAnn to group therapy but you can’t make her drink the kool-aid